3 Subtle Forms of Abuse to Look Out for in Your Relationship

Not all domestic abuse is physical. In fact, almost all abuse in relationships start out as mental, emotional or spiritual abuse. This is because abusers need to break down their victim’s self-esteem and support system before physical contact is ever made. But, even if things never become violent, there are quiet but cruel forms of abuse that can cause stress, confusion, sadness and low self-image. Here are three subtle forms of abuse to look out for in your relationship.

1. Blame

Constantly blaming his partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship is a classic and narcissistic tactic of an abuser. He never takes responsibility for himself and shifts blame to the other person no matter what goes wrong. In fact, even if nothing is really wrong an abuser will invent things to be wrong just to throw blame around and start arguments.

An abuser will rarely give you credit for anything, and even claim you can’t do anything right. The goal here is to get you to start blaming yourself so he never has to take responsibility for any of the wrong he does in the future. Everything he does will be your fault and you will take over his role of blaming you.

2. Shame

If your boyfriend or husband tries to make you feel bad about any physical or mental illnesses, deep insecurities, traumatic experiences or past abuse, you are dealing with an abuser. This tactic is an attempt to shame and degrade you; chipping away at your self-worth and convincing you that you don’t deserve any better than what he will give you.

Never let someone who claims to love you shame you for being who you are or living through what you have. And don’t let him, or anyone else, persuade you you’re not worth someone who won’t treat you the same way.

3. Tame

Abusers crave control and will do whatever they can to mold you into the person they want you to be. This doesn’t necessarily mean your man will try to make you someone he wants. It’s more about making you someone he can push around without resistance. He may try to tell you how to dress, do your hair, apply your makeup, or what to eat. He may tell you when and how loud to laugh, what words to use, or what you can and can’t talk about. But all in all, he will just chisel away at your personality and individualism until you don’t even know who you really are and what you really want or like anymore.

But interestingly, he may show great interest in other women who are confident, boisterous and independent; the opposite of what he wants from you. This is because what he is attracted to and finds fascinating in a woman is not what will make a good submissive recipient of his B.S. Those women to whom he pays more attention would never put up with someone like him and he knows it.

Abusive relationships are unfortunately common. But, a man never needs to strike his woman to engage in abusive behavior. If being with your beau makes you feel worse than being with friends, family or even alone, you are definitely in a dysfunctional relationship. And if you feel like any of these three behaviors are ones you deal with regularly, you are in an abusive cycle and need to find the strength to safely escape. You may need professional support to do so, but the potential risk will be worth it in the end.